[BigBrother_Survivor] 'The Bachelor: The Women Tell All' Recap: Arie and Krystal Face the Firing Squad

 

  'The Bachelor: The Women Tell All' Recap: Arie and Krystal Face the Firing Squad
Sunday, February 25, 2018

Bill King
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV

Arie Luyendyk, Jr. is but three fantasy suite bangs away from settling on a part-time lover before an apparently scandalous Bachelor season 22 finale. But first, he must face the wrath of forgettable lovers scorned in the annual rite of passage known as The Bachelor: The Women Tell All.

And considering those hoping to ride shotgun in the Arie Grand Prix of life include a taxidermy enthusiast who isn't ready for love, a Lauren with the personality of stale toast and a chick with a lingering ex, it might be nice to hear from the likes of Krystal and Bekah again. After all, they supplied most of the drama this season, at least until families got involved (sorry, Tia).

But before we get to the catty whinefest, I'd like to share my lasting observations from the wonderfully terrible Bachelor Winter Games, on the same evening we say goodbye to the real Olympics in P.F. Chang, South Korea.

Here are my takeaways: 

-- Ashley I. lost her "virginity" to a Canadian whose head resembles a cinder block.

-- Courtney and Lily are about the cutest couple ever, but there was no mention of the age difference. He's 31, and she only recently became legally able to drink in the country they now call home.

-- Dean's house key proposal was a terrible idea, if only because it forced Lesley to ask what she would say had it been real. And now, "No chance I want to marry this guy" is permanently in her head. 

-- Luke horrifically ghosted Stassi because he got home, and his friends were like, "Dude. Lips."

-- Bibiana freaked out because Jordan had the audacity to ask if they were going to date after the show. 

-- Clare tried to juggle a love triangle and got burned, and it was all her fault. And, yeah, when you set a time for the jacuzzi, it is a date. 

-- Nearly all the black people went home on day one, and the only one who didn't had to make out with a girl who had just vomited.

-- Really? Michael Garofola? Again?

-- Nothing captured the absurdity of Winter Games better than the ridiculous Bachelor anthem. So one last time, here are the lyrics:

"Bachelor Winter Games, to fight for love and more.

Oh Bachelor, sweet Bachelor, we will compete for sure.

In the time that we share, let's go beyond compare.

Oh Bachelor, sweet Bachelor, we want to see this through.

The reason's right, the future's bright to win your hand and heart.

Oh Bachelor, sweet Bachelor, our Winter Games be true."

Now on to the bitches.

Entering the Ring

Our special two-night Bachelor extravaganza kicks off with a montage of "Women Tell All" pasts, which concludes with the guy who got a tattoo of Lace's face on his side. Host Chris Harrison calls it the most memorable moment in tell-all history, which I have to dispute seeing as how I didn't remember it. 

On hand are barely legal Olivia, my-dad-met-you YouTube host Jessica, cute Jenny, black Lauren G., older social media manager Lauren S., phobia-riddled Annaliese, poor Dutch linguist and Smasher of Cars Brittany, Indian restaurant co-owner Marikh, dumb-or-drunk Jenna, this season's Ashley, Coach Krystal, low-cut/high-cut quitter Jacqueline, non-kidded booberrific real estate agent Caroline, no nickname needed Bibiana, single mom realtor Chelsea, deceptively sexy nanny Bekah, elephant cuff link Seinne and Tia the Weiner Queen of Arkansas.

That means in addition to final three Kendall, Lauren and Becca, absent are yellow dress waitress Valerie, photog in a race car Maquel, armpit sniff test Ali, tanning salon dick viewer Amber, Oregon sports reporter Brianna, nice butt bumper sticker Brittane, Master's degree Lauren J. and skydiving bloodlust nurse Nysha. I know, I know, you're all devastated.

After an intense discussion over whether glam-shaming is an actual thing, Bekah confronts Tia over the latter's comments to Arie regarding marriage readiness. Bekah felt betrayed and doesn't think it's fair that she constantly had to answer for being born in 1995, and she calls out Tia's dating history and Krystal's conflict resolution as proof that her own maturity level may not have been the issue.

A Buffet of Glitter

Krystal takes the hot seat to rehash being better than everyone and her epic meltdown following the bowling date, during which she called Arie a "fancy pants" who isn't a "real man" in a previously unseen clip with all the best parts censored. 

She claims she was too focused on developing her relationship with Arie to make friends, but the peanut gallery points out that she didn't have to say disparaging things about other women to do that. 

Caroline calls her a sociopath over her disgusting use of a bleeped word to describe her competition (I'm assuming the one involving next Tuesday), and the conversation devolves into an indecipherable gaggle of simultaneous squeals and cackles. 

Bekah offers a solution, saying the best approach would be to admit, "Yeah, I was a bitch. I'm sorry," but Krystal chooses to bite her tongue. She blames her Valley Girl accent on losing her voice prior to the show (even though she was there six weeks), and she ends by tearing up over her homeless brother -- because of course she does.

Better Than Everyone

Seinne was the best woman on the show, and I wrote all season that she was too good for Arie. But she was still a favorite whose early elimination was shocking, and she was stunned at Arie's abrupt change in energy on their date. 

Watching it back, though, she saw that other relationships were further along and realized she wouldn't have been the last one standing. She's dating but single, and she hopes there are some men out there who won't be intimidated by her. 

Chris Harrison asks about her comments regarding a lack of role models who looked like her when she was growing up, and even though her answer is inspirational, I'm just happy he didn't ask her about Black Panther.

Lost and Found

Bekah arrived in a red convertible and quickly raced to the front of the pack, even though her mom apparently didn't know her whereabouts. But the focus shifted to her age and readiness for marriage, despite the general consensus that she's more mature than most of these ladies. 

She left in tears, shocked that her years on earth became such a talking point and that a friend would throw her under the bus by taking concerns to Arie instead of addressing them with her. Tia responds that as much as she wishes she could do it differently, she would have regretted it more if she hadn't spoken up.

Bekah then clarifies the missing persons report, saying she was long eliminated and went camping at a marijuana farm with no cell service. And after several days without a call, Bekah's mom contacted the police. Maybe call Mama Martinez and let her know that Bekah will be missing for two weeks this summer, as she fights off gentlemen callers on Bachelor in Paradise.

The Pride of Weiner

With 10 simple words, "Please tell me you don't already have a little wiener," Tia endeared herself to audiences and earned early favorite status. But she was crushed when Arie sent her packing, prompting her to ask what she did wrong before seemingly giving up on love.

She put herself out there, ready to go all in despite the risks, and she was certain she was sticking around based on the strength of their connection. She was distraught that Arie couldn't give her an explanation, and she's pissed that she reverted back to her old "I'm not good enough" ways in the limo.

She's softened that stance in the months that followed, and she's ready for love and knows what she deserves. But we'll have to wait and see if she's the next Bachelorette. She and Seinne have to be the frontrunners, but I have doubts they'd go black-to-black. 

An 18-Car Pileup

It's Arie's turn to face the firing squad, and he explains that:

--His feelings were stronger for Kendall than Tia (something that no one but him can understand ... especially after "fun with rats").

--Jacqueline's quest for a PhD was an obstacle but a completely valid one from both their perspectives, and he commends her bravery and maturity for leaving of her own accord.

--He was scared off by Bekah's age, which was too big of a risk. She wishes that he'd had a bit more faith in her, but c'mon, can you imagine Arie spending a week camping at a pot farm?

Caroline announces that she knows what he did and doesn't know how he could do it. She doesn't need an answer, but she needed to say it. Dun dun dun. 

Krystal questions the chilly end to their relationship, which he found more than appropriate after watching it all back. There was another side to her that he didn't see, her comments were hurtful to both him and the other women, and he wonders if he didn't drag it out longer than he should have. 

And Now Bloopers

-- An Arie/Chris bench chat is interrupted by a herd of ponies.

-- Insects pester everyone on set, including a "bee on a vagina."

-- Arie has no butt and does squats for Jenny.

-- Chelsea can't do math.

-- Bibiana loves In-N-Out.

-- Clock bells interrupt Bekah.

-- Arie interjects "murr" into confessional stumbles.

-- Chris Harrison hits Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny with a chair.

John Cena, Leslie Mann and Ike Barinholtz stop by to awkwardly promote their new movie Blockers by showing "blocker" moments from this season, before a montage of Arie eating food on dates and grunting, "Mmm."

It ends with Arie complaining that he's burping up meatballs, which is how most of us feel after watching this delicious nonsense for two months.

We're in the home stretch now, and what lies ahead is surely the most dramatic ending in Bachelor history. Stay tuned.

Who were you happiest to see again and were you surprised by anything that was said? What do you make of Krystal refusing to back down and did Tia get the closure she needed? Will either she or Seinne be the next Bachelorette and who would you most like to see take the reins? Finally, did Arie quit on Bekah too early or can you imagine a 36-year-old wannabe family man enjoying a camping trip to a pot farm? Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below.

The Bachelor season 22 airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC. Want more news? Like our Bachelor Facebook page.

Who should be the next Bachelorette?

Tia <------------------------my pick

36%

Seinne

24%

Someone from outside Arie's season

23%

One of Becca, Lauren or Kendall

15%

Someone else from Arie's season

2%

Total Votes: 120

Loading...

(Images courtesy of ABC)

Virus-free. www.avast.com

__._,_.___

---

Posted by: C G <ceegee2006@yahoo.com>

---

Reply via web post

•

Reply to sender

•

Reply to group

•

Start a New Topic

•

Messages in this topic (1)

---

Have you tried the highest rated email app?

With 4.5 stars in iTunes, the Yahoo Mail app is the highest rated email app on the market. What are you waiting for? Now you can access all your inboxes (Gmail, Outlook, AOL and more) in one place. Never delete an email again with 1000GB of free cloud storage.

---

Visit Your Group

• Privacy • Unsubscribe • Terms of Use

.

__,_._,___