Re: [BigBrother_Survivor] The Bachelor – Season 23 Week 9 Recap and Live Blog\

 

I really hope none of Colton's girls gets picked to be The Bachelorette!!
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On Tue, 3/5/19, SHARON ceegee2006@yahoo.com [BigBrother_Survivor] <BigBrother_Survivor@yahoogroups.com> wrote:

Subject: [BigBrother_Survivor] The Bachelor – Season 23 Week 9 Recap and Live Blog\
To:
Date: Tuesday, March 5, 2019, 11:56 AM























SPOILER
SPACE 
Don't
forget Women tell all tonite
(Tuesday) The
Bachelor – Season 23 Week 9 Recap and Live
Blog\03/04/2019 by E.M. Rosenberg

We're
moving toward the inevitable end, but not as fast as the
House Judiciary Committee is. After four hometown visits as
indistinguishable from each otheras Skittles flavors, Colton
will travel to the Algarve region of Portugal without the
remotest idea of whom to choose among Cassie, Hannah G., and
Tayshia, or for that matter, where the Algarve region of
Portugal is. Just spin a dreidel, Colton. If the fourth side
comes up, go home and try eharmony.com.More
importantly, tonight is the Night of the Fabled Fence Leap,
the multiple previews of which are like all those signs
along the east coast that herald your arrival at the South
of the Border tourist attraction. This will likely be an
even bigger letdown, if only because there are no
tacos.Last
week ended with the cliffhanger—maybe more of an
embankmenthanger—of Colton scurrying off to consult with
Chris Harrison after the Rose Ceremony, when he sent Caelynn
home. It was also the week that the President took Kim Jong
Un at his word, and for something more egregious than
denying he finished the last Fudge Stripe cookies, although
that would also be impossible to believe.They
should have a shrink, or at least an LCSW, on set, since
Chris doesn't have much of a record for resolving
emotional crises.. He couldn't even reassure the
homeowners on Designer's
Challenge. ABC also reports that there will be a
"first" tonight, "but maybe not the kind we
expected." About the only thing we don't expect is
substantive conversation, and I will lay money on that not
happening.

Let's
roll! Be careful out there, Bachelor Nation. In LA, Colton
talks with Chris. He's thinking about how big this week
is, while the women are thinking of how big he'll be this
week. Colton thinks you shouldn't anticipate too much, but
he does hope to wake up with the woman he'll share the
rest of his life with, and without too serious a hangover.
As expected, Chris has no insight to offer that can't be
found in a fortune cookie.Now
they're off to Portugal. Colton has only ever been to
Europe via a Dan Brown novel, so this is exciting for him.
The women are all aflutter over the virginity thing, which
they grow ever closer to conquering like the
Mongols did Hungary in 1241. There must be Facebook
pages for that kind of thing.

Hannah
G. reminds us that she received the First Impression Rose,
which she feels earns her an advantage. She's forgotten
that Gwyneth Paltrow got Brad Pitt's First Impression
Rose.

Tayshia meets up with Colton first, giving him
the ol' leap-up-and-wrap-his-waist-with-your-legs move
that's become so prevalent I expect to Kamala Harris to
greet the debate moderators that way. They're heading to a
place that's known to be magical, Colton tells her as he
leads her to a helicopter. They're going to rescue
Schwarzenegger off the side of a skyscraper? No, they fly
over the lush Portuguese landscape, discussing the
country's principle exports, as most young lovers
do.Next,
over wine on a windy mountaintop, they review how well the
hometown visit to Tayshia's family went. They express
their pleasure with having experienced new things together,
like bungee-jumping, skydiving, and making out in front of a
TV audience. Tayshia enthuses that they are taking their
relationship to the next level, which may next rise to the
height of a Portuguese hotel mattress.That
night, Tayshia looks forward to going to the Fantasy Suite
and guiding Colton through the daunting process of boffing
his first woman who isn't printed in a magazine spread at
the time. To help him along, she has worn a dress cut so low
that her cleavage spills from the neckline like the filling
in a banh mi.Tayshia
discusses the importance of truth in a relationship, which
she values even more since her husband cheated on her.
Colton is blown away by the person she is after all she's
been through, including auditioning for this show. He
promises he will always be truthful with her if they end up
together at the end of the season. Thanks, pal. He gives her
the suite key, though. She can start him off by having him
remove the double-sided tape from her bosom.In
the suite, Colton struggles to open a champagne bottle as
his voice-over muses that losing his virginity will likely
be a piece of cake. Then the cork explodes unexpectedly,
overwhelming both him and the FCC's inbox. Oh, The
Bachelor, you're the best.Next
morning, the couple greets each other in bed, dressed in
nearly as much clothing as I wear to shovel snow. He liked
"spending time with you," while she "enjoyed our
conversation." So did they do it, and these are really
lame metaphors? Tayshia admits Colton remains chaste. At
least they had time to talk privately about the native
wildflowers of Portugal.

He
remarks that he restrained himself because there are two
other women to consider before he sharpens his pencil for
the first time. While he is falling in love with Tayshia,
he's still got a few credits to finish until he can
graduate. He also knows you can't force feelings, so he
will continue to follow his gut, ideally enhanced with a
good probiotic.Now
he will spend the day with Cassie. They head off in a
convertible as he expresses hope that by tonight they'll
be in love, like dogs learning to shake paw. That only took
my brother's Lab about 15 minutes.

Cassie
giggles perpetually in between make-out sessions amid
attractive city locales like rustic street markets and
simple, old-world architecture. Colton says he wants to
explore more things together with Cassie. Maybe the tourist
board that arranged their trip can also steer him toward her
G-spot.Colton
babbles so much about how great Cassie is that it's clear
he's all in for her. But she hasn't said she's falling
for him. Maybe she should have gone third in the line-up so
he doesn't have to give Hannah G. the cold shoulder.
Cassie does rave about him, and how safe and comfortable he
makes her feel, like a St. Bernard with a Thermos of cocoa
around its neck. Nevertheless, she wants more time to decide
how she feels. It's possible a Golden Retriever carrying a
pillow would suit her better.They
discuss how her hometown meeting went. No one cares, for
God's sake; they're bombing children in Yemen. Cassie
acknowledges that spending forever with someone is a really
big commitment, much like leasing a Nissan Rogue. Colton
reveals that her dad didn't give his approval for their
engagement. Cassie is deeply distressed  by this
revelation, but then she feels the same way when the movie
theater is out of Twizzlers. Why can't he just ask her
father again when he decides to propose to her? Is there a
rider in the contract that prohibits acting like normal
people?Next,
we see Cassie's dad knocking on her door in Portugal.
He's concerned about Colton proposing, and wants to
discuss it further with her. They couldn't Skype about
this? Anyway, marriage is a sacred thing to Dad, as well as
to many clergy and divorce lawyers. He wants Cassie to be
sure about Colton before she agrees to a permanent pairing.
"Yeh. I do," she replies passionately to the question of
whether she might be able to love such a witless pot roast
of a man.Basically,
Cassie would prefer that before she accepts a ring, she
could experience a normal dating period, ideally not
captured on video, and her girlfriends review her wedding
theme ideas. Dad, who thought a gray t-shirt was appropriate
attire for this moment, assures Cassie that she would know
if Colon were Mr. Right. To be fair, though, they haven't
spent enough time together for her to know his favorite
breakfast cereal. After all, it took me at least three
episodes of Starsky
and Hutch to fall in love with Paul Michael
Glaser.Night
falls on Cassie and Colton. She is resolute about what she
has to do, as difficult as it will be for both of them and
several people commenting angrily on my tweets. Meanwhile,
Colton is very excited, both in his heart and in his pants.
She's the one for him, he asserts confidently. We can hear
the fence laughing cruelly from outside.The
pair toast contentedly before Cassie grows somber. Colton
tries to explain how Dad's disapproval is not really a
drawback for him. She sighs, looking away from him as she
describes Dad's earlier visit. "Today?" Colton asks.
No, Colton, last Arbor Day. Cassie tries to tell him it's
not going anywhere for her. He tries to counter her with
babble about not wanting to end things with the person he
wants.Cassie
is too unsure, she tells him. Crying commences. Was she
planning on leaving tonight, he wants to know. "I don't
know, I don't know, I hate that I don't know," Cassie
cries—a lesser-known line from Gone
with the Wind—then rushes from the room. She agonizes
that she's second-guessing herself. Her dress is so tight,
maybe the blood is cut off from her brain. This is a more
tortured decision than that time I couldn't choose between
the fish or the chicken at my cousin's wedding
reception.As
she continues to flail around on the terrace, Colton comes
to embrace her. She doesn't know if she can "get
there," she tells him miserably. I still don't
understand that expression. I can't get there only when
there's traffic backed up on I-278. Colton doesn't want
to lose her, he murmurs.He
asks her to come back inside and talk, where the lighting
crew is already set up. He won't give up on her, he
insists fiercely. This is a less compelling conflict than
when Laura was falling in love with Luke on General
Hospital. And even that weather machine storyline was
more believable.After
a lot more "I don't knows" versus "I want a future
with you," Colton says the immortal words found on a
Sweethearts Tiny Conversation Candy Heart: "I love you."
Not the winning slogan for Cassie's account. She hugs him
tearfully as he vows that he won't stop fighting for this
indecisive simp. Where's the fence already?They
finally rise and don their coats to leave as tinkly piano
music communicates the mood. He tenderly kisses her
forehead, telling her he wants the best for her, for
example, being the next Bachelorette.
She wants the best for him, too, which should be a shave and
a community college education at the very least. But she
tells him again that she can't "get there" without the
aid of stimulants. He murmurs, "I love you" and walks
off as she climbs into the limo.The
camera chases him up the hotel stairs, then stops to gape at
the closed door. Moments later, he declares he's done with
this, and charges out of the room. Finally, it's fence
time! As Colton marches toward the unimposing white gate, a
voice yells "Somebody get Chris!" He is apparently five
feet away, as he appears immediately to shout for their lead
cast member. The crew gets the fence open as a dog barks
menacingly in the distance. He liked Cassie for the win,
too.Chris
and the crew amble out and call into the darkness of a
Portugal night, but Colton is nowhere to be seen. Odds are
they'll find him at the nearest bar, getting blitzed while
fondling one of Cassie's bras.See
all you masochists tomorrow night.  

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Posted by: "Donna M." <crow_donna2002@yahoo.com>

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