very satisfied as to who went home.
'The Bachelor' Recap: Krystal and Kendall Square Off in Paris
Monday, February 05, 2018
Monday, February 05, 2018
No, the real stars have been Coach Krystal and deceptively sexy nanny Bekah, as doomed as they both may be. Krystal is the candles, fiery yet brief, and she is annoying everybody at the party by dripping her waxy goo all over the good parts.
It's time to blow those puppies out and hope they're not of the trick variety. Seriously, everyone is done with Krystal.
Bekah, meanwhile, is the edible decorative flower, delicious and addicting but more of an indulgence. It's the part of the cake you hold onto for a while, then eat when no one is watching. You take a bite or two, realize it's pure sugar you're too old to truly enjoy and then throw the rest away. So pencil her in for the fantasy suite.
Going Oui Oui in France
I've been riding a wave of emotions since my beloved Philadelphia Eagles won their first Super Bowl mere moments before I learned how Papa Jack died on This Is Us. Add in a whirlwind four-day Groundhog Day trip to Punxsutawney -- a six-hour drive each way -- with five hours spent in the frigid cold followed by a dinner date with the world's most famous weatherman, and I'm too exhausted to even consider Krystal's delusional belief that she's wife material in her current state.
(For real, how cute is this guy? And Phil as well!)
But that pales in comparison to the roller coaster these women face when they finally ditch the foam parties of Fort Lauderdale and head to the City of Lights, only to learn that the dreaded two-on-one date is coming.
Additionally, there will be a pair of solo dates and one groupie, but the question on everyone's mind is who will be joining Coach K -- the only obvious choice -- with survival on the line.
Silence is Golden, Except on a Date
The first one-on-one -- Let's fall in love in Paris (however you say that in French) -- goes to tech salesperson and only Lauren Lauren B. , who is anxious to evaluate their relationship because it's not quite as far along as some others.
They take in the sights of the city, hand in hand, with Arie seemingly doing all the talking. Forced conversation comes in the form of Lauren dropping earth-shattering lines like "How's everything been for you after everything?" and "Lots of tough decisions to make." Needless to say, the chemistry is lacking, even with a luxury speed boat down the Seine River.
It's more of the same over dinner, and the crickets are enhanced by the lack of background music or sound effects (kudos to the editors). She claims her hesitation to open up stems from trust issues related to her parents' rough marriage and a previous failed engagement, which he understands because one of his relationships fell apart when his girlfriend lost their baby while he was tending to racing duties. So, yeah, they keep it light.
She repeats "trust" 30 times, essentially calling herself an undateable project, and he gives her the rose and smooches to calm her nerves in hopes of revealing a personality. Any personality. And she's like, wow, he must like me to keep me around after such a terrible day.
Creole Lady Marmalade
The group card -- Let's get all dressed up (one suitorette exclaims, "My heart is about to fall out of my ass," which is a much better date title) -- goes to fake proposal publicist and emerging favorite Becca, favorite elephant cuff link and too good for Arie Seinne , Bekah, Tia the Weiner Queen with a doctor degree, single mom realtor Chelsea and dumb-or-drunk Jenna .
That means Krystal, high-cut/low-cut Jacqueline and stuffed-animals-don't-say-no Kendall are still in the running for the two-on-one. But first, the six women head to the famed Moulin Rouge for a private lesson and a competition to perform onstage with Arie.
Bekah relies on jazz hands, Jenna is ecstatic and doesn't care how stupid she looks, and Tia lacks basic coordination. Seinne and her background in dance steal the show, but it's not about talent or sex appeal -- rather, connection -- and Arie awards the rose to Bekah after she admits feeling jealous for the first time.
Their performance is fun but atrocious, as is Arie's ability to lip-sync in French, and the energy is matched by the scowls adorning the scorned women's faces. Arie is also the first person to ever ask, "Is a French kiss in France just a kiss?" It's actually called un baiser amoureux, and it was added to the French dictionary in 2013.
2 Girls, 1 Rose, 1 Stays, 1 Goes
The two-on-one date -- We'll always have Paris -- goes to Krystal and Kendall , with both assuming Coach K. has the advantage based on time served. Awkwardness abounds as they tour a chateau, and it's Krystal's red flags versus Kendall's lack of serious relationships.
Arie needs to see another side of Krystal, with her tantrums ("But he changed his mind!") prompting him to dub this her last chance. She apologizes for questioning his character behind his back instead of to his face, and her cooing and kissing seems to win him over ... until she throws Kendall under the bus by declaring that her competition is not ready for marriage and shouldn't even be here.
He tattles, Kendall calls out Krystal's insecurity and flips the script by expressing empathy, and Arie delays his decision until dinner. Krystal believes this is "f***ed up" and later calls Kendall "patronizing," and they agree to focus on their individual connections rather than each other.
Krystal delivers a classically insincere Coach K. motivational speech before Arie sends her home, and he kisses Kendall atop the Eiffel Tower while eight women pop champagne bottles in the hotel. A "floored" and heartbroken Krystal laments letting herself be vulnerable, and she sucks, but I still feel bad for her.
Where Do We Go From Here?
The final solo date is Jacqueline 's first, and she's focused on having a good time and winning him over. After their car breaks down, which allows Are to do manly mechanic things that are as successful as his racing career, it's a day of shopping and modeling the latest Parisian fashions before dining at Maxims.
He claims he held off on this date because she's "far too intelligent" for him, and she inquires as to why he wouldn't gravitate towards intellectual women. I was hoping he'd reply, "I like 'em dumb," but instead he says something about being able to stimulate her brain (which he can't do solely with pillowy lips).
Her career goals require a PhD, which means six more years of school. And even though he could see himself falling for her, there are concerns that their lives wouldn't jive together. Not wanting to hold anyone back, he instead holds back the rose gives her the rose to see where it goes. They'll cross that bridge when they have to, and love can overcome anything.
Decisions, Decisions
Three more women must join Krystal in the scrap heap. With Lauren, Bekah, Kendall and Jacqueline safe, we could be in for some surprises -- unless Jenna and Chelsea are the ones packing their bags.
The posies go to:
Favorite elephant cuff link and too-good-for-Arie Seinne
Fake proposal publicist and emerging favorite Becca
Nevermind. No shockers, at least for us. Jenna is very surprised, and Chelsea feels blindsided. It's tear-filled goodbyes for two. But for seven others, it's off to Tuscany! Lauren, however, is feeling overwhelmed by the pressure and is next on the list to unravel.
Things are progressing as planned, but do you agree with Arie's decisions? Did you see a future with Jenna, Chelsea or Krystal? Who are your favorites and do you agree with my final four of Tia, Seinne, Becca and Bekah? Are Lauren, Kendall and Jacqueline next on the chopping block? And can we find enough drama and animosity to carry the season until marriage prospects take over? (To quote my wife, who may love Punxsutawney Phil more than me but less than our Frenchie, "It's so good, and so, so bad.") Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below.
The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC. Want more news? Like our Bachelor Facebook page.
(Image courtesy of ABC)
(Image courtesy of ABC)
Who should Arie have kept?
Arie got it right
82%
Single mom realtor Chelsea
14%
Dumb-or-drunk Jenna
2%
Coach Krystal
2%
Total Votes: 45
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Posted by: C G <ceegee2006@yahoo.com>
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